A while ago, the kids and I went on a walk that strangely represented life for me, right now. It was a gorgeous day, we went to my favorite place – the ocean, and somehow, everyone was so miserable it was almost funny. Lesson learned – always bring the stroller and MY GOSH I wish I had a stroller to carry me through this last bit haha. I keep telling Greg, I’m just done. I literally cannot handle any more. More renovation stuff, more people coming and going in my house all day, more screaming/crying/whining kids, any sort of decision ever, not to mention another baby AHHHHH… I’m so past my limit of being able to handle things despite being in such a lovely, beautiful time of life, that anything – ANY little dang thing will just make me burst into tears. I’m fun.

So anyways, here are my kids stopping every. two. feet to look at pebbles. Not the birds, not the ocean… dirt. There was so much crying, so much saying, I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE! I NOT KNOW HOW TO WALK! CARRY ME!!! After asking over and over if someone needed to go potty, she realized she did need to 15 minutes into it. There are no potties out there. There were so many tears on not wanting to wear a diaper. There were tears over the treats I brought. There were tears over the wind and over not letting them get too close to the cliffs and being thirsty and heck no I didn’t bring water cause I thought it was a short walk! They both insisted on wearing their boots which came off promptly 3 minutes into this particular outing because their feet were hot and then their feet were hurting and then and then and then. So many things! Mostly, there was one step forward, two steps back and attempts to carry two heavy kids the entire way but literally my pregnant self can’t do it right now and all I wanted to do was sit down and cry right there with them cause we were in the middle of nowhere with no help or car in site.

And so I did. And it took I think 4 hours to go 2 or 3 miles. And that moment was so nice to sit with them but the rest of that adventure was h a r d. And that’s life right now. I’m trying to make time and enjoy my babies especially since we’ll only be the four of us for so much longer, but i’m not gunna lie – it’s been hard! Everything is taking so dang long and all I want is to have my house back and nest and snuggle my babes and make a mess in the kitchen without someone walking in and probably not judging but in my head they are and you know, constantly having to discipline your kids in front of other people is hard! it’s exhausting and it wears you out especially because you get in your own head so much and everyone raises their kids differently and it’s just hard (do I keep saying that!?) to always be on display and to not be able to go outside in your own yard cause other peoples stuff is everywhere and your very busy son gets into everything and anyways, I feel like we are close. We have to be, right!? It’s been over a year. And it’s difficult for me to get past that fact honestly. Because in my mind I keep repeating …four to five months… they said it would take four to five months…. and I have done everything in my power to keep this project moving forward and a couple weeks ago we went zooming past our one year mark. We are getting our house painted right now (yipppeeee! betcha can’t guess which color ;) ) and same thing. He said it would take three weeks and we are currently on week six. And the guy is moving as fast as molasses in the wintertime and I want to pull my hair out and do the dang thing myself. Not to mention, every single window is boarded up making our house mighty dark and depressing to be in, so I try to plan some outings but then the kids get sick and YOU JUST HAVE TO LAUGH because WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

Anyways, I don’t mean to complain… I’m so thankful for everything going on, I’m just beyond ready for it to be done. It’s been a long year. So in an effort to get out of my shlump, here are some things that make me happy :)
Umm, how can you not love them!? They’ve been so disobedient lately and just driving me to the edge but seriously, they are the best. One day I was on the floor crying (how unusual! ;) ) and Luke walks in and sees me, looks at me so confused, then raises his little pointer finger and runs off. He comes back with a dish towel and starts scrubbing my face. Ahhhh. I love that kid. He still doesn’t talk a whole bunch but he’s got a heart of gold. They both do really. Abbie can literally feel what you’re feeling. She is probably the most empathetic person I’ve ever met which makes it so hard to be such a mess around them so much lately, but hey. life’s messy and imperfect and the sooner I can come to grips with that, the better it all will be :)

And then there was that day we made some cookies and they both (all on their own) grabbed their camp chairs and scooted them in front of the oven to watch… and then cheersed their milk and my goodness I swear I can’t take the cuteness!
They are very into cheersing right now. They will not drink their drinks until they have cheersed everyone at the table but most importantly, each other, which often involves quite the stretch ;) it gets me every time :)

Something about this combo just looks correct. But start praying for this momma now if he’s gunna play football cause AHHHH injuries!

We had just come back from the store and always load up on tons of fruits and vegetables but had forgotten to get actual lunch stuff so I made a rainbow plate of sorts and Abbie just kept saying Oh my goodness momma, THANK YOU for making such a beautiful rainbow lunch! Thank you momma! Thank you! haha I guess I should be putting more effort into presentation these days ;) And they both ate the whole thing! So if you’re trying to get your kids to eat more fruits and veggies, try the rainbow… it’s magical, after all.

Sibby’s been slacking on the gopher front lately but she’s been doing a good job at making more friends…

We’ve been searching for venues for TAYLOR’S WEDDING!!!!!! Oh and yes, they couldn’t walk anymore here too and there was crying and screaming and drama. So much drama, guys.

They learned the joys of painting on themselves. This was the first time. The following times have been so much thicker and messier and no pictures were taken. So when mom decided to let them paint with oils, you know, the most toxic paint ever….

I was so surprised at how well they did! Proud momma.

Ok there’s been lots of painting cause how many things can you really do inside all day!? But I love how classic this picture is on how they approach life ;)

Greg and I even got a day date in there… dated July 15th…. and that might be part of the problem here ;)

Naps have been t o u g h lately so this was a bloomin miracle and melted my heart right into a puddle. Ahhh it’s so hard when they need one so bad but they just will. not. take one. Everyday over here ;) But anyways, they never fall asleep on me anymore so this was so special :)

Speaking of! This never happens anymore either! Greg keeps seeing these moments and saying, this might be the last time! I think he’s just making a game of it now and seeing how much he can make me cry ;)

Our bathroom is basically DONE! I just need to touch up the walls in a couple areas and scrape the floors of all my paint splatters and such but eeeee! it feels so good!

AND OUR KITCHEN IS BASICALLY DONE! Just waiting on one more appliance cause our ice maker never did work – long story – lots of ugh ugh ugggghhhhhs and I have to paint a couple more trim pieces and touch up some paint in there and then !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So if you’re wondering what we are waiting on, we need to build our step back out from the kitchen which meant we had to take out our sliding door in our bathroom and replace it with a window so the step wouldn’t hit it – so that got done and now we just need a step! But our guy is gunna take a couple weeks off and then come back and so we wait :) it’s what we do nowadays. And then after that, we built our kitchen to have a deck on top that would come off of the guest room. So we have to still demo that, put in the deck and make the window in that room, a door! AND THEN WE WILL BE DONE. …until the next project ;)

TADA!

Luke made it to two before losing his nail… ugh it was sticking straight up yesterday but still won’t fall off and ahhhh it just gives me the creeps. WHAT DO YOU DO!?

He’s still the cutest dang kid.

These are horrible pictures but Greg made me the most phenomenal birthday dinner. He’s the best.

That cat has been throwing herself at Bentley who just does all he can to tolerate it but really, these situations are the best to stumble upon. They happen each night, much to Bentley’s horror <3

Before, middle, after! Ahhhh I can’t wait to throw my vine back up there and see her all shiny and newish :) not to mention being able to see out of my windows again! It’s the little things, guys. But this is very exciting for me :)

She’s been asking me to take their picture lately and I mean, how can I not! I just love those two <3

I told you, he’s been needing his naps!

My cousin birthed the most precious little girl! Greg gets emotional when he holds her bless his soul :):)

Seriously cannot wait to see these kids with their new brother. Cannot. WAIT.

Hehe – at my dads birthday party, we were placed next to a large table of women. There was cackling.

We went up to SF to pick up a new bed for Abbie and went home with a minivan. I have mixed emotions ;) I really loved my 4Runner but this new cat, I dunno, she’s got some fun features and not feeling crammed especially with another carseat soon, is pretttttttty nice :)

This was Abbie’s first picture where we were almost all in the frame! So proud :)

I’ll say it again, how can you not love her!? This was intentionally posed by lil miss herself.

Fall, you guys. It’s my favorite.

There was the fair, and pony rides, and heart bursting!

Greg sent me this picture. This was me as a child… I would always line my stuffed animals and baby dolls up and sleep on the very edge… now that I think about it, I still do that except they are real baby dolls ;) but seriously, this boy loooooves his babies and well, if I haven’t said it before, I really love him.

We weren’t going to go to the pumpkin patch this year cause we sorta just ran out of time and have so much to do come every. weekend. just trying to get everything done so it can just. please. be done! but we went to the one in town and the kids had the best time!

hehe I just love these pictures of Luke wayyyyy back there. He’s just sitting in the pumpkins. He has no intention of keeping up. Again, this was me as a child so… what do I expect?

Bless him <3

And last but not least, this baby. Honestly, I’ve been such a mess this entire pregnancy if that wasn’t abundantly clear – blame it on hormones, or the stressful stuff going on, or getting no sleep or whatever but I have not felt like myself at all and the sciatica kicks in at about 12 everyday and wrecks me from getting anything done for the rest of the day and I feel like someone is just saying REST DANGGIT but my determined little self keeps saying m u s t…..g o….o n. How ironic that this little one’s name is Noah which literally means rest. I’m so dang overwhelmed and have so much I want to get done before he comes but ahhh what a wonderful reminder to let go of perceived perfection and just be. I lie in bed for those three hours I’m up in the middle of the night every night and just dream about him and it’s really such a special time that I am trying so hard not to miss. I can’t wait to meet him despite being wayyyy in over my head already. THANK GOODNESS we have an amazing God that carries us and reminds us that little babies don’t need perfect houses or open windows or a finished step or a deck. They just need a whole lot of love and that’s something I have a whole lot of to give. So little Noah, we really can’t wait to meet you in our messy little world. You are such a gift.

Happy Tuesday!