From that one time when I freaked out just a little bit

comments 5
pregnancy / the daily life / why do i act like a child

IMG_4487“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” ~Helen Keller

Some days can be kinda crappy. This started out being one of those days. Mostly because I woke up grumpy and was determined to stay that way for the rest of my life – that is until I found myself in line at a French pastry shop and was handed a bag of morning bun goodness and a latte. That downward facing smile could not last any longer. Especially when I went to my thinking spot (aka anywhere near the ocean) to complain to God about each thing in my life and probably shed several tears in my bubble of a car. Last night certain words were spoken with my eyes that communicated “I’m all done being pregnant” and possibly “YOU did this to me.” Said eyes continued into morning where I told Greg with eyes and words this time, that I didn’t even want to be a mom anymore and blah blah blah eliciting the unexpected response of laughter followed by the sound logic that it was too late for that. Hence to the ocean I go. And I sat there in my car eating my delicacies and thinking, why am I sitting in my car when I could sit on that bench right in front of me? So then I ventured out to the bench and thought to myself, why am I sitting on this bench exposing my insanity as I mutter to myself about this and that, when I could go down to that little rock down there and mutter in private? And so I did. And that God of mine? He’s good. Because just then I realized of all the places I could have parked on the cliffs of Santa Cruz, I parked and walked down to the very spot Greg proposed to me, many moons ago, without even realizing it. And I was reminded that quite possibly the week (or maybe night) before we walked down the aisle, I may have mentioned to him that I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to get married and that I was pretty confident marriage wasn’t for me. This is apparently what I do. I’m a mess :) Considering marriage is probably one of the biggest blessings my life has ever experienced, I was reassured that parenthood will probably have one or two blessings as well ;) Sometimes you just have to have a freakout moment in there. I was thinking about that quote I love along with that verse that says, “look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” I watched the birds and pelicans and otters happily enjoying their habitat and was given so much peace about whatever He is doing in our life right now. Sometimes it’s so hard to follow along blindly (especially when you are a mega planner!) and push away the thoughts of will we ever live on our own again? How will we afford everything? What are we doing anyways? I hate transitions. I don’t like waiting without knowing what’s going to happen. I don’t like not knowing the exact day (and time!) Little is going to make her appearance. Not one bit. But I know that His timing is perfect and we can rest in that. And despite some blessings being a bit umm, disguised, He has never led us astray. He is really so, so good. So here is to the daring adventure we have embarked on! It’s going to be a good one :)


  1. Taylor Welty says

    Oh Hilly you are the pwesusest :) The Lord IS so good! He sends us such perfectly timed reminders of His past faithfulness and blessing… I know this new adventure will be an incredible blessing, just like you said. I just feel so grateful to be your sis through it! I love you Hilly! You are da cutess of all muttering writers :)


  2. Pingback: 40 Weeks – Happy due date baby! | The Nettles Nest

  3. Taylor Welty says

    Also, I just read this post again 15 months later, and boy is it even more special now looking back… Little did we know Abigail would be coming 5 days after writing this! God sure has amazingly wonderful timing…

    Liked by 1 person

    • DIS!!! I love looking back on these things :) esspet she has currently been screaming for 2 hours and i’m back to not wanting to be a mom ;) hehehe just kidding.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s