It’s like a bedtime story except it leaves you wide awake and in horror. Just kidding. I have never worked so hard for anything in my life and ohmygosh was she worth it. Labor is one of those things that no one can possibly describe or prepare you for – something you really just have to experience for yourself to fully grasp. Ours started around 2:30am when I felt a suspicious trickle as I was lying in bed pretending the “contractions” I was timing were real. I whispered to Greg “I think my water might have broken” but because it was the middle of the night, we didn’t want to wake up our midwife just because somebody could apparently not hold her bladder anymore. So we waited and kept timing them. By 3:30 there was a gush and there was no doubt that this was it! We were so excited and kept looking at each other with crazy eyes and freaky smiles. We called our midwife and got excited to greet our little girl so very soon. HA. I’ve heard there are stages of labor: early… active… transition… and the wonderful pushing stage. Ya.. they all felt the same to me. Those sweet little contractions I was feeling the day prior were like soft, gentle kisses compared to these rompers. I think they really took me off guard and it was that mind game that was hardest to recover from. I’ve always considered myself to have a pretty decent pain tolerance so to feel something so all consuming and have them tell you that yes, ten hours later, you are still in early labor [which, in my mind means this is the easy part, you wimp] really shook me up. I don’t know how many times I told Greg I really can’t do this anymore and was just so disappointed with myself for clearly sucking so badly at this whole childbearing thing. Everyone told me “there will be a contraction and then a rest period” and I thought well ok, I can do that. There was no rest period, you liars. Maybe 30 seconds to a minute if you are being generous and considering still feeling barely bearable unpleasantries, rest. Plus with every contraction came a lovely spell of nausea so that was fun. You all know how I love feeling nauseous. But! nine months with barely any, so I can’t really complain ;) Greg’s favorite moments were when he tried so very hard to read helpful scriptures to me and I shushed him right up. Also telling me to go to my “safe place” which, in labor, I apparently hated going. It tainted my safe place, darn them contractions! But I found a new safe place and that was our 29″ x 18″ shower. That was probably a fun sight seeing a fully pregnant woman all crumpled up in there. Warm water is heaven during those suckers. And although the thoughts of this is the saddest day of my life! My child is going to be an only child because there is no way on earth I will ever do this again! and screw everyone! I KNOW no one is praying!!! may have entered my mind at multiple points throughout the day, we somehow, by the grace of God, got through it and are here to tell the tale ;) And yes, I got a little choked up when I found out just how many people WERE praying for us and yes, just two days later, coming home from the pediatrician, I may have whispered to Greg that I want to do it all over again. Funny how those things work. Tricky tricky mind, you are. Anyways, because I was GBS+, I wasn’t able to get any exams to check progress, until it was absolutely necessary, to avoid any infection. By the __th time I told Greg I couldn’t do it if we were seriously still in early labor, my midwife asked if I wanted to get checked but warned that if we still hadn’t progressed, the risk factor would have just gone way up. She asked what number would give me hope. I told her obviously 10. She laughed. Turns out I was a generous 5 which is better than 1 so on we went with the home birth plan. And then there was a blur of more of the same. Greg being awesome. My midwife being incredible. Me being moaning Myrtle. There was another shower. I must have used a whole months supply of water cause I really have no idea how long I was in there. Drought, what? Also, if you were planning to look cute during labor, don’t cut bangs. Unless yours dry perfectly in which case I hate you but seriously, shower, labor, bangs = oh you poor woman. Anyways, when I came out that time, I was a generous 8 (yippee!!). See I told you the shower had magical powers. Some more time passed and it was 3pm and all of a sudden my body said hey look I have new tricks and the pushing urge came on. Well now THAT’S a weird feeling. My midwife said if I wanted to start pushing, I could…. whaaaaat!? So we started and shall I say, I never knew I had those noises in me. Greg said he saw veins pop out of me that he didn’t even know existed. I think I heard the headboard crack. These are the things I remember. Although we were in the final stage, it still felt like it would never end but two, ugh yes, two hours later of pushing and stopping and pushing and then trying not to push but body said HA I’m taking over, we had a head. And a beautiful, long, conehead it was. Greg said he saw her and she was just looking around, chillin in that lovely little opening. The rest is kind of a blur but basically the short of it is, it took a while to get her out because, as my midwife would say, out of the over 1300 births she has attended, Miss Abigail here took the cake on most interesting positioning. She’s already winning prizes. She had her little arms wrapped up around her neck, pushing her little elbows out and apparently wouldn’t let go of my cervix ;) Consequently, I have THE most bruised tailbone but because of my midwife’s magical abilities, no tears. And the people rejoiced. She said considering how she came out, that in itself is a miracle. Oh my gosh that little girl has my heart. I can’t even put into words how much I love her. And I don’t even mind being flat on my back because I just get to cuddle all day and it is bliss. I didn’t however, expect husbands back to go out too the very next day, so we are a hobbling mess of grunts and moans. But she is perfection and we love her. So. freaking. much.

I had no idea what a workout that would be. Ohhhhh so THAT’S why you’re supposed to stay in shape through pregnancy….. Ohhhhhh. Ya, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, my throat of all things hurt, my voice was gone haha oh labor noises ;) and my dignity was out the window. And I didn’t care because I got the prize. And what a good prize she is.